Abstinence is held by older generations and medical experts as one way to securing a healthy lifestyle for young people. But few young people see it as practical, especially in today's society where mass media seems to promote sex. Sihle Dlamini talks to individuals and experts on the subject and they share why abstinence is important and how practical it is.

Practicing sexual abstinence does not mean that you can not or do not have sexual feelings. It is a personal choice that comes with certain objectives.

This is one aspect of understanding the issue of sexual abstinence, a view held by Council of Churches Marriage Counselor, Maurine Magwaza.By definition, sexual abstinence is a choice to refrain from sexual activity. This choice is usually made for specific reasons. The reasons may be moral, religious, legal or for health and safety.

Each person has a different definition of sexual abstinence. The most common meaning is that of not having sexual intercourse, vaginal or anal. Oral sex is often considered sexual activity therefore it can be included as an activity to stop if you make the decision to abstain.Magwaza says the majority of people that abstain are young people below the age of 21, normally with a motive of preserving virginity until they are mature enough to make the right decisions.

"These decisions include getting married or having children," she says. She states that abstinence, in the context of keeping virginity, is normally practiced by young girls for the wrong reasons.She says most young people keep their virginity so that they may impress their sexual partners in future.

"That should not be the case. Abstinence should be done for personal prejudice,' says the Counselor. She notes that the problem occurs when the partner does not acknowledge or place value that you kept your virginity till that far.

"In some cases, a man can not tell whether a woman is a virgin or not,' she says.

Magwaza says making decisions like abstaining for whatever reasons may help you take control of your life and be in a position to know what you want. She also points out that in a case where you choose to get married, you would be able to communicate with your partner what you want in the marriage.

Who can abstain?

Whilst on one hand, abstinence is associated with young people who have never had sexual encounters, it is possible even for those that have had sex to abstain, as attests Alice Tembe, Project Manager at the Swaziland National Network of People Living with HIV and AIDS (SWANNEPHA). "Depending on the reasons, it is practical for one to abstain even after having had sex before and this is known as secondary abstinence" she says. "Normally, secondary abstinence is for a short duration, for example if you are at school or during a mourning period. In short, it is difficult, though possible for a person to abstain again."

Magwaza says young people should take the lead in abstinence matters. She notes, though, that the local environment does not promote abstinence expansively, which results in young people who choose to abstain not knowing its full advantages.

Advantages of abstaining

If strictly adhered to, abstinence is extremely effective at preventing both pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, including HIV and AIDS. It has no medical or hormonal side effects. Abstinence is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy. Although many birth control methods can have high rates of success if used properly, they can fail occasionally. Practicing abstinence ensures that a girl will not become pregnant because there is no opportunity for sperm to fertilize the egg. Abstinence also affirms your confidence in self because for that period in time you do not share your body with anyone, which gives you time to develop and appreciate yourself.

Myths

There are myths around abstinence and a common one is that if you abstain, your sexual feelings will die. .Tembe says practicing abstinence does not kill sexual hormones. "Sexual feelings are natural and they always come even if you abstain. It is by choice to have or not to have sex,' she says.

Another myth is that if you do not have sexual intercourse, you become mad and irritable, which Magwaza dismisses as a lie.

Understanding the abstinence issue

By Sihle Dlamini